Growing Up
by Andrew Jackson Jihad
Growing up
really fucking sucks
I've got too much stuff
I don't make enough
And soon I'm gonna turn to dust
I'm gonna turn to dust
And I am afraid I don't care.
Growing up
really fucking sucks
I've fallen down
and I can't get up
And soon
I'm not going to bother
I'm going to lay on the ground until I die
and I'm afraid I don't care.
Growing up
really fucking sucks
I want to fall in love
but I don't love anybody
And soon, there will be nobody
who will want to fall in love with me
And I'm afraid I don't care
Monday, April 27, 2009
Sunday, April 12, 2009
You say you want a revolution.
Well, you know, we all want to change the world.
"If there's no validity in religion, then what's the point? If we live and die and that's the end of it, what do we have to work towards? That's a depressing thought -- that there's nothing after this. That this is it. People need religion to give them hope, to make it all make sense."
"I think that believing that this is all that exists is freeing. It makes everything we do all the more worthwhile. It means you have to be the best you can be, and make sure that you treat others with the respect and dignity that they deserve. If this is all there is, we're more motivated to make the best of it all."
We are members of the new lost generation. We live ironically without even understanding that irony. We listen to bad music, and read bad books -- and maybe we think they're absurd, but when does absurdity stop being self-aware and turn into accepted reality? I say we listen to bad music and read bad books, but most of us don't even do that anymore. Everything's so passive. We listen to what's on, but we don't hear it. We read street signs, not books, and we only do that because we have no idea where we're going.
We follow trends because our identity is so wrapped up in our appearance that we can't be caught being something that doesn't make sense anymore. Our clothes are what our actions used to be. She's a hipster, he's neo-grunge, they listen to hardcore and live to mosh. You look like you voted for Obama -- oh, you didn't vote. Well, you're liberal, right? I mean, you have the blue dot sticker on your car.
We're disillisioned and disenchanted, but it's because we're egotistical and self-absorbed. It's not because we've seen the bottom of it all and are struggling to get back up. We need a strong sense of community and togetherness to make any sort of a difference, but we tetter between being spread so socially thin that we have no idea who the people are that we're "friends with" and being part of some exclusionary troop that finds comfort in sameness. It's not cool to do anything grand, so we all operate with our unthreatening mediocrity.
I don't have a solution, but I don't want to feel like this is as good as it gets -- not yet.
"If there's no validity in religion, then what's the point? If we live and die and that's the end of it, what do we have to work towards? That's a depressing thought -- that there's nothing after this. That this is it. People need religion to give them hope, to make it all make sense."
"I think that believing that this is all that exists is freeing. It makes everything we do all the more worthwhile. It means you have to be the best you can be, and make sure that you treat others with the respect and dignity that they deserve. If this is all there is, we're more motivated to make the best of it all."
We are members of the new lost generation. We live ironically without even understanding that irony. We listen to bad music, and read bad books -- and maybe we think they're absurd, but when does absurdity stop being self-aware and turn into accepted reality? I say we listen to bad music and read bad books, but most of us don't even do that anymore. Everything's so passive. We listen to what's on, but we don't hear it. We read street signs, not books, and we only do that because we have no idea where we're going.
We follow trends because our identity is so wrapped up in our appearance that we can't be caught being something that doesn't make sense anymore. Our clothes are what our actions used to be. She's a hipster, he's neo-grunge, they listen to hardcore and live to mosh. You look like you voted for Obama -- oh, you didn't vote. Well, you're liberal, right? I mean, you have the blue dot sticker on your car.
We're disillisioned and disenchanted, but it's because we're egotistical and self-absorbed. It's not because we've seen the bottom of it all and are struggling to get back up. We need a strong sense of community and togetherness to make any sort of a difference, but we tetter between being spread so socially thin that we have no idea who the people are that we're "friends with" and being part of some exclusionary troop that finds comfort in sameness. It's not cool to do anything grand, so we all operate with our unthreatening mediocrity.
I don't have a solution, but I don't want to feel like this is as good as it gets -- not yet.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
She introduced me as her associate. It sounded so dignified and official, I couldn't help but smile. I'm hardly an associate. I would classify myself as an apprentice. I try not to think of myself as either. One implies more knowledge and experience than I can claim, and the other admits that my previous education played virtually no role in my acquisition of this job.
Last night I tried to talk to some post-graduate friends about the nature of photons and light and how they act like waves. If you were to build a wall in the ocean where the wall has a space cut out of it and you were to watch the waves breaking against the wall and going through the space, the water would rush through the space and create semi-circular waves of increasing size. Light works the same way. When you send photons through a similar construction, they make the same semi-circular pattern. But here's the crazy part -- if you were to send those photons through individually and map their pattern, they will make the same pattern that they would have if they were all sent through together. Which means that they do not actually act like a wave, but in fact they act like they act like a wave. And the same can be said for photons being sent through a piece of glass. A percentage, let's say 4% of the light that hits a piece of glass bounces back, and 96% goes through. If you were to send 100 photons through that piece of glass individually, 4 out of that 100 would bounce back. And the only way to explain this is that that's just how the universe works. That's not to say that we haven't yet found a better explanation -- that is the explanation.
They were uninterested.
I didn't go to school for this -- to graduate and stop being interested in learning. I enjoy spending time with my friends that are still in school because they're so saturated with knowledge and learning that they can't help but talk about it. That's not the case with my post-graduate friends. It's not that they're entirely opposed to the search for knowledge, it's just that they don't seek it. And maybe I don't either, and maybe the only time that we need and want to talk about learning is when exterior forces are motivating us -- like tests and papers and passing a class.
I don't want to run out of things to say because the same topics have already been rehashed to death. I don't want to watch television because there's nothing better to do or to talk about. I don't want to feel mundane.
Last night I tried to talk to some post-graduate friends about the nature of photons and light and how they act like waves. If you were to build a wall in the ocean where the wall has a space cut out of it and you were to watch the waves breaking against the wall and going through the space, the water would rush through the space and create semi-circular waves of increasing size. Light works the same way. When you send photons through a similar construction, they make the same semi-circular pattern. But here's the crazy part -- if you were to send those photons through individually and map their pattern, they will make the same pattern that they would have if they were all sent through together. Which means that they do not actually act like a wave, but in fact they act like they act like a wave. And the same can be said for photons being sent through a piece of glass. A percentage, let's say 4% of the light that hits a piece of glass bounces back, and 96% goes through. If you were to send 100 photons through that piece of glass individually, 4 out of that 100 would bounce back. And the only way to explain this is that that's just how the universe works. That's not to say that we haven't yet found a better explanation -- that is the explanation.
They were uninterested.
I didn't go to school for this -- to graduate and stop being interested in learning. I enjoy spending time with my friends that are still in school because they're so saturated with knowledge and learning that they can't help but talk about it. That's not the case with my post-graduate friends. It's not that they're entirely opposed to the search for knowledge, it's just that they don't seek it. And maybe I don't either, and maybe the only time that we need and want to talk about learning is when exterior forces are motivating us -- like tests and papers and passing a class.
I don't want to run out of things to say because the same topics have already been rehashed to death. I don't want to watch television because there's nothing better to do or to talk about. I don't want to feel mundane.
Friday, April 3, 2009
I've noticed that whenever I'm driving and there's something in the middle of the road --a large limb, a box that's fallen off the back of a truck, strips of shredder tire, or any kind of substantial debris -- I have the urge to treat it as if it belongs there. I want to drive right over it, as if by simply being in the middle of the road it has become part of the road. And that whether or not it may mess up my tires, or alignment, or puncture something of value on the underside of my car, it has become a legitimate terrain. I always turn away at the last second, but I can't help but wonder how much damage it would really do.
The concern I have about this thought process has nothing to do with my car. I'll always know that to go over something large in the middle of the road is a bad idea, that the debris doesn't really belong there, that just because it's in the road and there are no damaged cars on sight doesn't mean it isn't capable of inflicting damage -- the other drivers just knew to avoid it.
The concern I have has to do with the other aspects of my life. If I were to be completely honest with myself, I would admit to having several people in my life that I would consider to be fallen limbs in the middle of my road. But because they are people, and much more complex than an obstacle on a path that should be avoided, it's difficult to turn the wheel before any damage occurs.
The concern I have about this thought process has nothing to do with my car. I'll always know that to go over something large in the middle of the road is a bad idea, that the debris doesn't really belong there, that just because it's in the road and there are no damaged cars on sight doesn't mean it isn't capable of inflicting damage -- the other drivers just knew to avoid it.
The concern I have has to do with the other aspects of my life. If I were to be completely honest with myself, I would admit to having several people in my life that I would consider to be fallen limbs in the middle of my road. But because they are people, and much more complex than an obstacle on a path that should be avoided, it's difficult to turn the wheel before any damage occurs.
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